Louise Derizhy

I was born into a Buddhist family, but during my childhood, I didn't know anything about Buddhism. My parents practiced traditional Chinese folk beliefs. Since I was young, I studied Christianity because I attended a Christian school. As usual, I participated in Christian activities such as worship services, praising God, reading and memorizing the Bible, praying, and so on. From an early age, I was fascinated by the stories in the Bible that spoke of God's greatness.

I was a curious child, a lover of science, always eager to learn and understand everything. My logical thinking often clashed with what I was taught in religion, which drove me to keep searching for the truth. Since childhood, I was taught that God created the first humans, Adam and Eve, while in science class I learned about the theory of evolution.

One day, my teacher told us a story. There were two boys who had been friends since childhood. One day, they parted ways and went on to live their own lives. The first boy grew up to be a kind person, helpful, honest, generous, often going to church, and praising God. The second boy, on the other hand, lived a troubled life, he liked to steal, lie, go to nightclubs, get drunk, and never went to church.

One day, when they were both young men, they met again and shared stories about their lives. That meeting became a turning point for both of them. The first young man began to feel that his life had been meaningless, so he decided to go to a club, drink, and have fun. The second young man, however, decided to repent and started going to church. At that very same time, both of them got into an accident and died.

Then my teacher asked us, who were still in sixth grade at that time, "Who goes to heaven, and who goes to hell?"

All of my classmates answered that the first young man would go to hell, and the second one to heaven. I was the only one who answered the opposite, that the first young man should go to heaven, and the second one to hell.

My teacher smiled at me and asked why I thought so. I said that it didn't seem fair that the first young man, who had lived a good and righteous life all along, should go to hell just because of one small mistake, while the second young man, who had lived wickedly his whole life, could go to heaven just because he repented at the end. My teacher then explained that the first young man should have remained faithful to God, but he chose to betray Him. Meanwhile, the second young man had decided to repent, and because God is merciful, He would forgive him.

That moment deeply shook my faith. I felt that I couldn't believe in a God like that. I felt lost spiritually because the religion I had devoted myself to no longer aligned with my sense of truth and justice.

A few months later, I entered junior high school and transferred to a new school. At my new school, I was given a choice of religions to study Islam, Christianity, or Buddhism. I remembered vaguely hearing about a Buddhist concept called karma: you receive what you do. So, I decided to choose Buddhism.

At first, I thought all religions were the same, that they all taught kindness, and that God in every religion was essentially the same, only called and understood differently. But as time went on, as I learned more about the world and about Buddhism, I realized that not everything I once believed was true.

In the Abrahamic religions, God is described as almighty, all-forgiving, holy, and compassionate. Everything is created by God. From the moment we are born until the day we die, everything has already been planned by God, and we cannot escape it. Our entire lives and everything that happens in the world are governed by God. What we must do is repent and surrender ourselves to Him, to trust that God knows what is best for us.

In Buddhism, however, there is no personal god who governs everything. The concept of the divine in Buddhism is described in the Khuddaka Nikaya, Udana VIII:3 as "unborn, unoriginated, uncreated, and absolute." Everything in this world exists because of the mind. As stated in Dhammapada 1.1, "Mind is the forerunner, the leader, the creator." Buddhism places great emphasis on the cultivation and control of the mind, for from the mind arise all actions, good or evil. The energy that comes from our thoughts becomes planted within us, known as the law of karma. Everything that happens has its cause and effect, not because of the will of a divine being, but because of natural moral causation.

And the most fascinating part about Buddhism is that this profound understanding was discovered by a human being, Siddhartha Gautama, who later became known as the Buddha, meaning "the Awakened One." The Buddha himself never declared that he was a god. He was simply a teacher who guided people toward liberation from suffering. In fact, the Buddha refused to be worshiped. He was too OG that everyone started thinking he was a god.

Unlike many other religions that can be rigidly dogmatic and forbid their followers from studying or converting to other faiths, Buddhism imposes no such prohibitions. Everything depends on one's own awareness and determination, the conscious choice not to do harm and to cultivate goodness. Even if someone decides to leave Buddhism and follow another belief, there is no punishment. As long as that person becomes happier and a better human being, it is something to be supported. This openness is one reason why Buddhists are generally not fanatical, and perhaps also why the number of Buddhists continues to decline.

Human beings often live under doctrines and seek figures of authority to control or guide them. Religion, in many ways, has served as a means of social regulation that continues even today. Buddhism, however, is a path of freedom, its purpose is to attain true happiness through the training and mastery of the mind. Because Buddhist teachings are deeply philosophical and complex, they can be difficult for ordinary people to grasp. As a result, Buddhism is often less popular compared to religions that offer something more immediate and certain, while the Dhamma, by contrast, demands effort, reflection, and inner inquiry.

As someone who is naturally curious and eager to understand, I kept exploring and comparing Buddhism with science, even with quantum physics, which I plan to discuss in my next article. The more I studied and tried to comprehend, the more I realized that what I know about Buddhism is not even one percent of its vast depth. Even many Buddhist speakers and teachers around me still preach with a limited or sometimes mistaken understanding of the Dhamma. To truly master the essence of Buddhism, perhaps only a handful of people in the world today have reached that level.